Marrying Chinese? Better get used to in-laws in the house

• Source: Global Times
• [21:15 January 12 2010]
• Comments

The US government thinks when Chinese enter the US on a tourist visa, they won't leave when their visas expire. Sometimes it's true. So, when applying for a tourist visa, the applicant must persuade the officer that he or she will indeed return to China within the time of the visa.

How can you prove that an elderly lady, who's retired, penniless, and has little to go back to in China, would not just stay in the US with her daughter and son-in-law? We were persistent. A couple of weeks later we sent her back to the embassy for a second try. Nothing was different this time, except for a note I wrote for her to hand to the visa officer.

This may be hard to understand in Chinese culture, where it isn't cool to joke about in-laws, but knowing the visa officer was an American, I wrote, "I'm an American. You are an American. If your mother-in-law visited you, wouldn't you make sure she would leave within a month?"

This time she came dancing out of the embassy with a visa! We weren't sure if it was the letter or our prayers, but my mother-in-law was about to make her first trip to the US where she would spend a month in our rented home by the lake.

Mothers-in-law aren't all the same, but I have no trouble getting along with mine. She's very understanding when it comes to cultural differences. She supports the mainly Western way we raise our kids, and having her around is a real joy.

She's never lived with us on a permanent basis – she understands Americans don't do that. But she has stayed, on several occasions, for more than a month. And, I'm glad she's here!

For those thinking about marrying a Chinese girl, you should expect long visits from your in-laws. It's part of the culture you'd better get used to. But, despite the jokes, there's really nothing to fear. It's all part of the spice of cross-cultural living.

The author is an experienced English teacher in Beijing, author of Here They Come! Are You Ready? mdklaoshi@yahoo. Com