Tiger drivers turn New Jersey roads into warzone

• Source: Global Times
• [06:05 June 13 2011]
• Comments

By Barry Cunningham

As a former war correspondent, I have listened to many of my battle-hardened colleagues telling their war stories –tales of personal heroism and grace under pressure as they braved enemy fire to get the story.

I don't want to belittle their bravery, but for real courage in the face of danger they should try teaching a Chinese woman how to drive a car.

When my own wife, Serena, announced that she wanted to learn how to drive, my knees began to tremble.

Almost every Chinese family we know here in New Jersey has at least one female driver who has been involved in a car crash. No sooner than Serena got her learner's permit, one of her lady friends called to say she couldn't meet us for dinner that night because a neighboring Chinese family was living in her

house. "Their house burned down. They lost everything."I asked how it happened.

"Auto accident."

"Wait a minute. How does an auto accident cause a house to burn down?"

The friend explained that the husband's car was parked in the basement garage of the family's brand-new, three-story house. The wife was arriving home in her own car and crashed into the husband's car in the garage. The car caught fire and the house burned to the ground.

"She got confused and stepped on the gas pedal instead of the brake.''

 I understood immediately how this could happen, having just spent an hour with Serena at the steering wheel, driving around a church parking lot while I yelled myself hoarse, "No, no, no! The brake is on the left. The gas pedal is on the right."

Serena's skill at the brake pedal gives a literal meaning to the Chinese words for putting on the brakes: Sha che (Kill car).

When we venture out onto local streets, I find myself yelling "Kill car!" in a constant rhythm, as the car lurches forward and then stops short, snapping my head back and forth like a rap singer.

If this ever ends, I tell myself, medical schools can use my head as a live exhibit of how much punishment the human neck can endure.

Admittedly, a lot of the problems are my fault. We are cruising along at 30 mph when, suddenly, the car flies up in the air and lands with a dull thump.

"What happened?" she screams. "Sorry," I apologize. "I didn't know how to say 'speed hump' in Chinese."

Three weeks later, Serena is getting better at slowing to a stop sign without a helmet, but she still has a problem staying in the middle of a traffic lane when cars are approaching head on. It seems her life as a Beijing pedestrian has made her fearless about oncoming traffic. She is not spooked when 18-wheel tractor-trailers roar past, but she keeps a death grip on the steering wheel. She jerks the wheel left and right instead of gently steering straight ahead.

"Think of how you steer a bicycle," I suggest.

"I can't ride a bike," she confesses.

"Are you really Chinese?" I tease her. "What kind of Chinese person can't ride a bike, doesn't know how to play mahjong and doesn't listen to a teacher!"

Maybe my worst mistake as a do-it-yourself driving instructor was buying a "Student Driver" sign that sits on top of the car like a yellow hat.

"Reckless drivers will slow down when they see a student driver sign," the company advertised.

The reality is just the opposite. New Jersey drivers are such wild-eyed road warriors they resent anyone who drives by the rules, including students. They sneer at Serena's "Student Driver" sign as just another obstacle in their daily insistence that everybody else get the hell out of their way.

After numerous close calls and nearly getting side-swiped by a jerk who blasted the horn as he blew passed Serena while she was making a left-hand turn, I gave up. I ditched the yellow hat sign and signed her up with a Chinese driving school.

"She'll do very well here," the receptionist told me. "Our cars have two brakes, one on the passenger side."

That's great. Now there will be two Chinese drivers killing the car and, hopefully, not each other.

The author is an Emmy Award-winning TV former news correspondent. He now lives in the US. opinion@globaltimes.com.cn